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And suddenly she knew it was going to be ok

A good nights rest full of closure. A “hitting the hay” nap. A sore body. A healing heart. A happy brain. I couldn’t have done it without my amazing support system. Thank you all for holding my hand as I step away from the ashes of what all I leave behind. I was taunted. I was toyed with. I was lied to. I believed in all of it. I wanted all of it that bad that I was willing to have faith in it. All faith of my past is stripped of me and I now have answers to give addison. It’s not going to be the answer she wants, God I wish it was. It’s not the answer I had cut my knees praying on; but it’s finally an answer. The what ifs are now solid. The how’s are now answered. The wheels started turning long before I decided to hop onto the train, but life stops for no one, and it doesn’t care if you are heartbroken and defeated. You can’t miss the train. Life continues in this positive motion. I hate he didn’t want to see the changes in me because he was so blinded by who I was (and I can not fault him for that) I chose to see him as he was. The good parts. I focused on all of that, and he showed me his deceiving side yet again. I’ll never be good enough for him to feel as if he can be honest with me. That’s never going to change, and I accept it. For when we can’t be honest with someone, we don’t love them or care enough to be honest. We don’t open up to them, because we just don’t care to. I’ll never make the mistakes I made in this last year again, I had only hoped that I could have made my beginning with him and our family. Start it the way it was to have started so many years ago. I may always be that child chasing after that black Camaro. What hasn’t changed, is that all he will ever show me will be tail lights. So this time I wave, and I pray for peace in him as I have found. I had to find it without you my baby. God how you heal me, and we had a fair shot. There’s no amount of miles I would not have drove, the drive would have been a high; knowing that you would be greeting me on arrival with that look of pure love in your eyes. Your hand on the small of my back as you enveloped me with the purest love that ever existed. You rob all of us of that, and I am finally ok with it. You are my moon and my stars and the sky would have always been our limit, and people will continue to be amazed at the energy and Fire that we had in us.
Every ending is a beginning, we just didn’t want to see it to be true. I see now. And I thank you. Above all else, God how I thank you.

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