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We loved with a love that was more than love~Edgar Allen Poe

What is love? How do we keep it? How do we trust it? More so, how do we know that it is?
I have been called many things in life, and expert has never been one of them. I feel like if I keep visiting the topic, I might become one. The thing about love is this, once you have it; you will visit the idea every time your chest rises and falls. Every second of every day you want to fill with it. It’s what I do. I fill my day with love songs. I fill it with memories of love. I fill it with pictures of it. Any tangible thing that I can add to my day to keep my faith restored in all that is love. It will never be a fleeting feeling to me.
I had never known love. I had looked many in the face and spoke of “I love yous.” Not to say that I was lying to them. I thought I did, so it’s all well and fair. I thought I did, until I actually loved. There is not a slight difference, it is a smack you against the wall by the throat and paralyze you difference. So that answers that. How do we know if its love. Trust me when I say this, if you trust no other words of mine. You. Will. Know. It will consume you, but it will fill you. To quote my pitbull song on love “I’ll make you lose your heart and your mind at the same time.” Yes, I realize how classy and intelligent I am by quoting pit bull to you all. I will remind all for you to thank me tomorrow for enriching your lives. I have talked to a few of my exes the last couple of months (it is funny how people come out of the woodwork when they no longer see your profile picture as you and your love) I have let them know that I never loved them. That I was sorry that they missed me, but that I did not miss them; and I wished them well. I look back on all of my relationships and my recovery time. I recovered the same each time. I think the only hard part about my past break ups, was dealing with the change; not the loss of the relationship. It was always just easier to leave it be and move along. Why I ask, what’s different. Love. Love is the answer and it is the biggest difference in a world. It is the difference between having a cup of coffee at waffle house, and having a Caffè macchiato at a bar in the middle of Italy at noon. There is no bigger difference that could be grander. So I maybe covered what love is to me, and how you know its love. The other two, coincidentally, roll together hand in hand.
How do we keep love? How do we trust it? You can only keep love by trusting in it. Flip side of that, you can only trust in love by keeping it. These two fit so beautifully together. Love provides us with so many things in life. It gives us laughs, smiles, courage, protection. Love only asks that we trust that it knows what it is doing. Love will also remind us of how much stronger it is than us. When we start to lose sight, or when we do lose sight; love will want its revenge for what all it gave us. It will make you feel pain like no other for losing sight of its blessing. It will be emptiness like you have never felt. Know love will be in the driver’s seat, when you let her in. You get to hold all all that she grants you, so it is worth the cost. The cost is only a cost, when you lose sight of the love. Otherwise she will never harm you.
I never lost sight of love, I had moments where I over looked it. Man the price love has had me pay. She has reminded me that she is the boss of me, and everything that rules me. I am forever in debt to love for all that she gave me, and I will never let her be disrespected or over looked again. Without her, my life would be very empty. I will take the pain because the good it brings me every day is perfect. Everything worth having comes with a price, and I wake up waiting to pay that bill the second my eyes awake and I don’t see him there. I empty my pockets, I tell love “you are the boss, steer me to you; and I will follow you no questions asked. Here is all of my money. I pay it all to you, just send me some of what you have.” Every kind word that is said to me erases so much pain. Every touch from him always erased so much pain. Love does have a payment system set up, but trust that it works to your advantage. Every one drop of love, replaces 100 drops of anger or hurt or pain. So when you find that love, choose to trust it. Trust in it, and all its power and you will keep it. Keep it as the thing closet to the front of your brain, and love will show you trust.
To love. To trust. To hope.
It’s kind of all we have.


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